Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Sulking? Ok, Maybe I Am...

This post is a bit miserable, please don't read it unless you don't mind someone offloading their miserableness! Just skip to the vaguely amusing photos at the end if you don't fancy reading it. Normal service will resume shortly, promise :)

Today has been another awful day weather-wise, so I still haven’t been able to photograph Glastonbury! I’m a bit gutted, as I would really like to share it with you! The trouble with indoors here is that there really isn’t a suitable spot for staging the photos, and also as this place is a barn conversion, there are limited windows for getting good light. So photos will have to wait :(

I’m also extremely upset about another development. I have mentioned once or twice that we have a Big Trip coming up. I haven’t described it, as I was going to wait until nearer the time, but this trip was a really BIG deal, once in a lifetime kind of trip. I had a dreadful year last year with all kinds of devastating setbacks in various areas of my life. I was a real wreck – and it was during this period that I first starting blogging, to help me to keep a grip on things and to focus on the good things a bit. 

This Big Trip was the payoff for everything I’d been through. The thing I would think about when I couldn’t cope anymore, “all this is so terrible, but at least I have my Big Trip to look forward to. After the Big Trip I will feel so much better, and these other awful things will pale into insignificance compared to this experience.”  

And today I had to cancel the Big Trip. 

We realised that there just wasn’t time to fit in all of the prep for the Trip, all of the prep for moving to Australia, and seeing the people who are important to us. Something simply had to give. I know we picked the right thing to ditch, but I feel as though along with the disappointment for this Trip, all of those other feelings of deep unhappiness that the Trip was keeping at bay have come rushing back to overwhelm me.

I can’t tell you how devastated I feel. I know that a Big Trip is pretty self-indulgent, and I honestly feel like an awful human being for being so miserable about this when there are people out there who don’t have enough to eat, or who cannot go to school without being in danger, or who have to cope with much worse health problems than me. But I can’t change how important this was to me, and how devastating it feels to be once again missing out on some hard earned experience that means the world to me, and that I can never make up for.

I’m not trying to be a misery-guts by telling you all this, it’s just that partly I feel the need to get it off my chest, and partly I am aware that my miserable mood is permeating everything else I do right now, so I am finding myself totally unable to do an appropriate write-up of anything else…

So instead of writing anything much, here are some random pictures I have taken over the past months that make me chuckle, even if only slightly ;)

Who knew the Metro had the secret of eternal life?

Genuine screenshot from my personal Facebook newsfeed...

The last photo is from near where I used to live, and it always put the Wombles song in my head... :)


  1. Aww Debbie, how rubbish that you've had to cancel your tirp. xx I personally don't deal well with disappointment. It's one of the few emotions that I've failed to master as an adult. I do a lot of metaphorical 'teddy chucking'. I can totally understand why it feels more than just a cancelled trip! It's been the carrot to keep you going through what has obviously been a tough year or so, your reward if you like, and now it's gone. I expected you feel a bit cheated, even if only by circumstances.

    The weather can't be helping either ~ we took our little lad swimming today as he's crawling the walls not being able to get outside.

    You'll have to do what I do when I'm feeling let-down or rubbish. I treat myself to something small but that I truly love doing every day for a week. I might buy a really nice cake and eat it with a cup of my favourite coffee. I might treat myself to a small craft accessory or a second hand book off Amazon. Watch my favourite film [you know the one, the one you've already watched 55 times on DVD but you STILL watch it if it comes on the TV ~ mine is Hoursewife 49, it used to be You've Got Mail] whilst eating posh chocolates.....! All inexpensive things but if you do one a day for a week you'll find your mood is lifting. Plan them in advance so you can look forward to them at the start of each day. I always think that if your mood is low on waking then the day is a right-off, so better to have a small treat planned to counteract that black cloud. Oh and if you're feeling a bit guilty about being down about your cancelled trip when others are worse off [It's all relative by the way, never dismiss your own sadness on the grounds of world suffering. Your emotions are valid] then give £5 to a charity, that can also give you a 'feel good' factor.

    I'm looking forward to seeing your Glastonbury....come on sunshine!!!

    Much love and gentle (((hugs))))

    S xx

    PS see what your swatch started lol....xxx

    1. Hi, thank you so much for your understanding! It's funny you mention disappointment "as an adult" - I do think that big disappointments can be really crushing, especially on the back of other issues or after other disappointments, yet other people mostly seem to think that it shouldn't affect you once you're a 'grown up'. It feels better to think that while I'm pulling my hair out wishing someone would understand, someone does understand! (I spoke to my mum about this the other day too - she was quite upset for us actually as she knew how amazing the trip would be, and what it meant to us both to lose it).

      I love your advice for coping with the emotional side too - I didn't get a chance to put it into action yet (although coincidentally I had bought the M&S Percy sweets before I read this, so that made me smile!) as I was heading down for my brother's wedding, but I think that running around after someone else and trying to make myself useful to them definitely helped distract me while it lasted. But we have had a conversation about what we can do instead in the future, and what we can do in the near future to get some quality time together now that we can't enjoy this challenge together. Hopefully I can stop feeling miserable soon!!

      Advice and hugs appreciated muchly!!

      Thank you :) Dxx

      P.S. I did read your post, but didn't have time to comment: very impressive work though! I wish I'd remembered to photograph the one I sent you before posting, but I'm pretty sure that I'll be making another one for myself anyway! Can't believe I didn't think of it sooner ;) xx